Is three a crowd?

Are Mustaches funny? Short answer; no, but buckle up because you'll be getting the long answer as well.
While they have been called the new Mullet by many a naysayer, they have specifically avoided comedy at all costs. This is not to say that hilarity cannot be associated with a Mustache, however it is unfortunately directed at them and not initiated by them. Mustaches are deadly serious. So serious in fact, they are trying to destroy the so-called Two Party System, which, as Americans you are all aware, has dominated the political landscape of hair, facial and otherwise, for decades. The major players are the aforementioned Mullets, and the lesser known Wig party.
Bickering has gone back and forth between these two factions since 1972 when the Mullet androgynously entered the scene atop David Bowie's snow-white tan head. Their reputation was cemented in place when Rod Stewart and Ron Wood jumped on board with the cock-a-doodle-doo version. It seems that musician's support of radical hair resonates with baseball players as well, and lucky for all of us, allowed the Mullet party to become a major player in hair policy-making.
The Mullet party came to power soon after, mounting a coup that displaced the then reigning power, the Uni-brows, which was only made possible by the sheer number of Uni-brows that wanted nothing to do with hair politics, which has led to a poor showing at political functions by Uni-brows, and, not surprisingly, public appearances in general.
The Wig party has been here the longest, rising to power in the late 20's due in part to a rise in male pattern baldness and in part to the Great Depression. Traditionally women have been the largest support to this party, but several prominent workers in the St. George library system have also been on board with the Wigic platform, hearkening back to the 20's.
Which brings us back to the Mustache. They would simply like to be recognized as another voice, if you will, in this complex new world; no longer relegated to the adverse working conditions in pornography, migrant farm labor, and notorious taskmaster Frank Zappa. The Mustache party is the voice of the little guy. They regularly cross partisan lines in an effort to make the US a better place. Examples of this include: Ron Jeremy, Pedro, and John Oates in the 80's/possibly now (also, Mullets need to be given credit where credit is due with respect to these examples). It is my dream that mustaches will someday be recognized as another hair party and give us the choice we deserve.

I Need A Mouthpiece

I'm not going to part the Red Sea in the near future or part my hair for that matter, but, like Moses, I find myself wanting for a mouthpiece. It's not that I have a problem speaking. Once in a while suitable words come up absent in the conduit between brain and mouth. There's no earth-shattering message beating the back of my lips blue to get out. It's just that I've found the perfect voice to narrate my life as I live it. In fact, smart money says that a project employing this voice for audio books and lullabies, commercials and cover songs would exponentially grow any mula you're willing to invest. He's the personal interlocutor in Magnum P.I. His voice the Ambien on a sleepless night and the Valium when You're nervy. Tom Selleck, narrate my life.

Mix Tape

So I'm headed to a family reunion up in Washington in a few weeks. I don't mind this drive as Amy lets me listen to my iPod most of the time. I like to switch up the music as I am driving through different stretches of the trip. For example, during the stretch through Idaho I listen to The Triggerlock's as there is a turn off called Idahome Rd. Now are there certain other situations that call for certain music? Does Bob Marley really sound better on Saturday mornings than any other day? Should it be a rule to listen to Wilco anytime you take drive through the desert? Do you always listen to the band your going to see? Travis, are you still a Misfit?

Don’t Burst My Bubble

As I find myself bored with……myself at times, I resort to making fun of others. As I know I’m not perfect, nor do I strive to be, I simply enter the bubble. The bubble was started by Vis and Jared Stanley a number of years ago. It allows you to judge, make fun of and degrade others around you. Now although you may have the same faults as the ones you are degrading, it doesn’t matter because you are in the bubble. That is why Utah County is known as the bubble (you can actually burst that one if you wish). So go out there and climb in the bubble, you'll feel better I promise.

Catch Phrases Are TIGHT!

We've all used a catch phrase once or twice. Rad. Cool. Tight. T!ts. Maybe we've even created our own. Nivey. Catch phrases unite us, especially those that are universally known and accepted. Or, perhaps, catch phrases are used almost like a password or code. In the latter instance, if you're part of the group, you know  the history of the catch phrase, its creator, and its uses, the exact time of its conception.  What are your favorite catch phrases? Which ones just missed being part of everyone's vocabulary? Now, I want to resurrect a catch phrase and propose a catch phrase call-to-arms. This phrase can be used in a number of ways, similar to t!ts: as an exclamation--T!ts, as an adjective preceding the noun it describes--Sean has some t!ts thongs, as a predicate adjective--Sean's thongs are t!ts, and as an adverb--Sean's thongs are t!ts tight. This catch phrase was created by one of our fellow bloggers--I'll let her reveal herself if she so chooses--and lay dormant for more than a decade. The phrase is Bruce Hurst. In a curious juxtaposition, one could use the phrase as follows: The Yankees are Bruce Hurst. I challenge readers to a catch phrase contest. How many times can you fit Bruce Hurst into your day? And remember you guys are Bruce Hurst cool and don't you ever forget it. 

(N)OBAMA

Spaz down, I'm not making a political statement, rather I wanted to address a prevailing, and disappointing trend in modern politics. Situation: I'm walking out of work and I notice a large and overbearing truck (a Cedar city truck) with this bumper sticker attached to the huge chrome bumper. It was accompanied by an elephant urinating on an Obama caricature sticker. What is wrong with people? I definitely lean to the Right but these type of right-wingers make me feel embarrassed. Who are they appealing too? Do they think they will change some one's mind with their sophomoric display? Don't get me wrong, I'm not against all stickers, and truck displays. I hate Chevys so much ever since I saw Calvin urinating on the Chevy symbol. I also love to see the naked-lady mud flaps, because then I don't have to wonder if the guy is lame. My point is, if you don't like Obama, don't vote for him. Put your time, money, and energy into the candidate you support. I have really started to loath the negative campaigning. I love politics, but I like the sport of it, not the terrible anti-feelings. P.S. BUSH does not = McCain.

Hype: Alive and Well

It's hear. Go ahead believe the hype. Actually, go experience the hype. Ever since the first fully functioning micro drives where developed by Toshiba about 8 years ago, I have been waiting for the day when a whole computer could fit in your hand... or pocket... or wherever. I know that the iPhone was first released last summer, however because I have chosen to live in what some may categorize as a barren and destitute land, we did not get them. Idaho, more specifically Eastern Idaho, had no authorized AT&T dealers; therefore no iPhone. So yesterday was the first day that you could buy one without testing your connections on the grey market and or your skills as a full fledged computer hacker.

The new iPhone has some major geeky upgrades, the in depth discussion of which I will leave to more capable and competent hands. However, here is my list of the top improvements in no particular order.

• The change from a metallic back to a plastic back may be viewed by some as a inconsequential, but it actually has a purpose. Have you ever been deep in the catacombs of a large, mostly steel building like Home Depot or Costco and lost your cell phone signal? That is because steal inhibits a cellular signal. Thus causing poor conversation quality or no conversation at all. The plastic back alleviates this problem and provides exceptional signal quality.
  

• GPS. This is great for fun little tricks like "Geo-tagging" your pictures, locating things like the movies or a new resturant, or every one's favorite goofing on Google Earth. There are already numerous applications that have been designed to take advantage of this new feature. All available through the app store which I will get to in a minute.

• The addition of 3g is great because of the ability to stream media live anywhere. My first example of this was driving around last night streaming Pandora through my iPhone and into my car stereo. Look for live TV (my guess is ESPN) shortly.

• The app store. The greatest thing about a computer is what we can do with it. For example the Internet is made possible because of the Internet browser. Music was completely reinvented because of the software compression algorithm known as mp3. Pictures, word processing, email and on and on. All of these are made possible because of software. The app store will open limitless opportunities to create new wonderful, addictive software applications that we can take with us. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, the iPhone is a handheld computer with the ability to make phone calls on a cellular network.

So as I mentioned above find someone that has one and play around. Or if you have the means to do so, get one yourself. Heck, my father Bill is on board. He stood in line in Las Vegas for 8 hours yesterday to pick one up. Who knew!

Amateur Hour

Many subjects have certainly drawn my interests throughout the years, but there are some I feel I can appreciate just enough by merely scratching the surface. Later in life I may be driven to master these areas of interest, but the utility I gain now is sufficient for the time being. I wanted to lift from Travis' trademark and list of few of these below. I could probably carry on a short conversation with any expert on these subjects, and each would walk away thinking, "that's nice."

1. Minimalism--Reducing everything to its fundamentals has great appeal with so much chatter and noise nowadays. It is everywhere, and so why not strip everything down to clean straight lines and do "more with less". I mean minimalism in design, music, art, and life. It's a real commitment to make, which is why I admire these concepts rather than actually abiding by them.

2. Thorstein Veblen--Early 20th century economist and social critic that gave us the term 'conspicuous consumption'. He was met with contempt by many of his peers and led a somewhat unstable life; however, his thoughts have had a relevant clarity even a hundred years later. His most popular work was The Theory of the Leisure Class, which appeared to scathingly expose the habits of the more opulent members of society and the underlying mechanisms of competitiveness, such as the fear of failure and loss of esteem.

3. Frank Lloyd Wright architecture and urban planning--Once there is enough money in the bank we would like to build our home borrowing from his fundamental concepts: cruciform layout with a meeting place in the middle, openness for flow of family traffic, low horizontal lines, and an incorporation of the structure to the surrounding landscape. His ideas on urban planning were almost as forward thinking as his architecture, which is basically the forerunner for most master-planned communities today; however, his were more idealistic and slightly utopian. Ayn Rand denies Wright was the inspiration for Howard Roark in The Fountainhead. Everything I've read about Wright tells me she's lying. We happened upon the FLW Xanadu Gallery building nr Union Square in San Francisco last summer as a nice surprise.

4. The Plight of Africa--Is it not incredible that we can all watch on our television sets small children starving with no real chance of surviving? I mean I know we have our own problems at home, and even then, how much of it is really up to everyone else to fix. But it is jarring to view the problems most of this continent have in the face of non-existent infrastructure and very little human capital. All efforts of the past 30 or so years have yielded very little progress. The problem is so large it is frustrating to learn more.

5. Elvis Presley--Elvis is a big deal to a lot of people, but who are they? The last huge fan I knew alternated her Elvis T-shirts with her wolf and indian feather ones. I can say I enjoy only a small part of his music-- his Sun Record years, and his Tiger Man comeback stand out. He sold billions of records and was a huge movie star, but was Elvis really as cool as we were all raised to believe he was?

The Best 5 Live Bands I've Seen

No. 1 -This is it. The final band. Fugazi. I saw this band at the Utah State Fairgrounds--probably the worst venue ever. Fugazi discourages moshing or violence at shows, charge minimal amounts for tickets and cds, and RAWK. No one who has been to a Fugazi concert will ever forget it. 

No. 2 -I've seen this band 3 times--Jesse, Cobalt, and I even trekked to San Jose to catch these guys headlining H.O.R.D.E.--The Black Crowes. Chris Robinson is one of the best performers I've ever seen. I saw these guys at the joint in '95 or '96 and about half the set was covers--maybe the single greatest live music experience that I've been a part of.

No. 3 -The biggest stage show I've ever seen. Uge. U2 on the Popmart tour in Las Vegas was outstanding. This was the tour with the gigantic screen as a backdrop, the band in muscle men tights, and an entrance from a lemon. This band is probably the band that will transcend our generation.

No. 4 -I've seen this band 5 times, and it pains me that they are only 4th on the list. Wilco. Onstage, they appear to be rock stars, country crooners, and mad scientists. Which one is the real band? My personal view is the mad scientist band. At times during a show they are all huddled over their instruments or in front of their amps, acting as conduits for the noise of creation. They've been good every time I've seen them, but the best show was in Denver with Ches and The Mother Hips, prior to Jeff Tweedy taking up running and impregnating Juno.

No. 5 -The reason I ever read Kurt Vonnegut, listened to Fugazi, or wore rubber bands on my wrists--Pearl Jam. I saw them at the Aladdin Theater w/ Juddy while they were in this phase. I know it's cooler to say you liked Nirvana better than Pearl Jam, but I didn't. Sometimes I sit back and wonder, "What is Eddie Vedder thinking, right now?"

What about paper?

It seems as though there is a substantially larger collection of stuff in the world these days. Take for example all of the things that have been invented just since 1995, the year I graduated high school. Cell phones were used by construction workers and rich folks, no one had the Internet at their house, personal computers were just coming into their own and the list goes on and on. Moreover, it seems that the rate at which new stuff hits the scene is double or triple the speed as which it used to hit the scene. With that in mind, how does one keep track of all this stuff? And what about your own stuff, it needs to be tracked too.

Notes. People used to take notes; regularly. We don't anymore, at least not most of us. I subscribe to a magazine called WIRED. Some of you may have heard of it, others not so much. It is a magazine devoted to technology. Not just computers, iPods and other new age gizmo's but good old fashion technology. Engineering, medicine, energy, etcetera etcetera. WIRED has a regular occurring piece called Play that in this months issue (July 2008) entitled "The End of Science" is devoted to Richard Buckminster Fuller and his files. These files as it turns out are wonderfully elaborate notes. Sketches of what "Buck" thought the future to be. As is was, Mr. Fuller was quite the Renaissance man and as such noted just about everything he though of. He held his notes in such high regard that he created and named a system just to manage them called the Dymaxion Chronofile.

Mr. Fuller is dead now, but at least to some his notes live on. Now here is the kicker. In an age dominated by megabytes, gigabytes and terabytes those notes live on on paper. Astounding. Both of my parents have chosen professions that rely, if not exclusively, certainly heavily, on writing. I my self have tried to become a more avid note taker. I have at least 3 notebooks that I routinely take notes in. I must admit that I prefer paper to anything else. It just seems suited to the task.

When taking notes I struggle to have any consistent style or method. Mostly just ideas and randomness jotted down line by line. This causes some angst when I ponder why it is I am doing this in the first place; which is to keep track of things. I ran across this blog post on a blog I regularly read called Signal vs. Noise that speaks to this very subject. Rather than ruin it with my dibbling thought, check it out for your self. I hope you will be as surprised and amazed by the creativity at which this one indiviaul observes life and then notes on it.

White=Surrender?

Tennis may be the pinnacle of athletics. The athletes hit the ball back and forth, not only trying to outwit and outperform the opponent but also trying to keep the ball out of the net and in the area of play, at speeds reaching and exceeding 100 mph. An athlete in his/her late 20's is thought to be old. The tension from point to point is tremendous. For over 5 hours I followed the happenings at the Gentlemen's Final at Wimbledon--Federer V. Nadal. Of course, as is tradition, the players wore at least 95% white. As I pondered the connection between sport and the color white, the first thing that came to mind was the white towel--a sign of surrender. But this match was void of surrender. It was, as wrestlers or boxers might be wont to exclaim, a war of attrition. So what other significance could white have? In Rome, candidates for a greater calling or office wore white. Many competed, but one became victor. To many people throughout history white has also been associated with the cardinal points, specifically East and West. As it corresponds to the West, white is associated with death or absence. As it corresponds to the East, white is symbolic of birth or rebirth and initiation--a rite of passage. So as one candidate--a great champion--is defeated and another one ascends, let us look forward to the rebirth of a like rivalry in a year's time.

Integrity and Honesty

I had the most frustrating and difficult week of my professional life this past week. I have been in and out of corporate America for the better part of the last decade. Which is to say nothing of my time in the United States Senate. During that time I have had occasion to be involved in all types of ethical quandaries. Some involving me directly and others I watched at arms length. During all of those situations I felt that both sides of the equation had legitimate feelings and memories of the events in question. This position lead me to the conclusion that most, if not all, of these quandaries stemmed from a misunderstanding or miscommunication by one or both of the parties involved. This is week marked the first experience I have had where I truly fell like someone just out and out lied to further their position.

For legal reasons I am not going to go into the details of what happened this week. Suffice it to say their was an accusation made by one of my clients that I had purposely shared confidential financial information in effort thwart the sale of a business for my personal gain. Even if you know nothing of professional ethics or the laws governing banks regarding the confidential nature of someone financial information, I think it easy to grasp the gravity of the accusation.

Fortunately my named was cleared of any wrong doing at the bank. The client has been made whole and more or less all is well. But as it turns out, after all the dust has settled it is very obvious that the accusations made were a complete knee-jerk reaction to something the client did not like.

So get to the point! I now have a painful experience to bolster my conviction of the need for complete honesty and personal integrity. When our lives get tested in these areas the opportunity to do right is almost never convenient or easy. Dare I suggest it is more often a decision laced with fear and self doubt. But I promise you this, when you kick against the pricks of honesty your life and the lives of others are severally altered. And most of those times the alteration is negative.

Live honestly at all costs. And pray for the strength to do so.

Gas V. Charcoal

It doesn't even matter if you're a carnivore. Using fire to cook with is a primal skill, an accompaniment to spectacle, and a sign to other species that we are superior. Why do you think tailgating is so popular at football games? Nonetheless, if you were required to choose your weapon would it be gas or charcoal?


Gas--It's convenient, easy to clean, and, some claim, the difference in taste is undetectable.




Charcoal--It's an event, a ritual even, less-expensive, and, some claim, more authentic.






I've cooked on nothing but gas until this last week when we picked up a Weber charcoal grill. It truly is an event. Put hair on my chest and burned it off again. And it taste better. Just like the bike that you payed for yourself rode a lot better than the one your aunt gave you for your birthday. O.K. Maybe the taste difference is mental. I did read, however, that in a blind taste test folks couldn't tell the difference between burgers grilled on either but preferred steaks grilled over charcoal. Choose your weapon and explain yourself.

Brother Sport

I have been (possibly) unfairly imposing Animal Collective on my family in the car and around the house lately, but they all agreed this new song is pretty good. Asa expressed his approval with his own Tektonic moves and Magnus just stayed asleep.

If you're willing to make the commitment, you'll need about seven minutes; the song deserves to be heard through.

10 Stuffs the White People I Know Like

10. Salad bars with 1 choice of green but infinite extras--especially gold fish.
9. Papered dogs.
8. Football because every game matters.
7. Anywhere but home.
6. Radio mixes/Satellite radio--It's just one long radio mix isn't it?
5. "Stuff White People Like"--Book and blog.
4. Sufjan!
3. Anything they can BS.
2. A good salsa.
1. Sunglasses.