Is three a crowd?

Are Mustaches funny? Short answer; no, but buckle up because you'll be getting the long answer as well.
While they have been called the new Mullet by many a naysayer, they have specifically avoided comedy at all costs. This is not to say that hilarity cannot be associated with a Mustache, however it is unfortunately directed at them and not initiated by them. Mustaches are deadly serious. So serious in fact, they are trying to destroy the so-called Two Party System, which, as Americans you are all aware, has dominated the political landscape of hair, facial and otherwise, for decades. The major players are the aforementioned Mullets, and the lesser known Wig party.
Bickering has gone back and forth between these two factions since 1972 when the Mullet androgynously entered the scene atop David Bowie's snow-white tan head. Their reputation was cemented in place when Rod Stewart and Ron Wood jumped on board with the cock-a-doodle-doo version. It seems that musician's support of radical hair resonates with baseball players as well, and lucky for all of us, allowed the Mullet party to become a major player in hair policy-making.
The Mullet party came to power soon after, mounting a coup that displaced the then reigning power, the Uni-brows, which was only made possible by the sheer number of Uni-brows that wanted nothing to do with hair politics, which has led to a poor showing at political functions by Uni-brows, and, not surprisingly, public appearances in general.
The Wig party has been here the longest, rising to power in the late 20's due in part to a rise in male pattern baldness and in part to the Great Depression. Traditionally women have been the largest support to this party, but several prominent workers in the St. George library system have also been on board with the Wigic platform, hearkening back to the 20's.
Which brings us back to the Mustache. They would simply like to be recognized as another voice, if you will, in this complex new world; no longer relegated to the adverse working conditions in pornography, migrant farm labor, and notorious taskmaster Frank Zappa. The Mustache party is the voice of the little guy. They regularly cross partisan lines in an effort to make the US a better place. Examples of this include: Ron Jeremy, Pedro, and John Oates in the 80's/possibly now (also, Mullets need to be given credit where credit is due with respect to these examples). It is my dream that mustaches will someday be recognized as another hair party and give us the choice we deserve.

I Need A Mouthpiece

I'm not going to part the Red Sea in the near future or part my hair for that matter, but, like Moses, I find myself wanting for a mouthpiece. It's not that I have a problem speaking. Once in a while suitable words come up absent in the conduit between brain and mouth. There's no earth-shattering message beating the back of my lips blue to get out. It's just that I've found the perfect voice to narrate my life as I live it. In fact, smart money says that a project employing this voice for audio books and lullabies, commercials and cover songs would exponentially grow any mula you're willing to invest. He's the personal interlocutor in Magnum P.I. His voice the Ambien on a sleepless night and the Valium when You're nervy. Tom Selleck, narrate my life.

Mix Tape

So I'm headed to a family reunion up in Washington in a few weeks. I don't mind this drive as Amy lets me listen to my iPod most of the time. I like to switch up the music as I am driving through different stretches of the trip. For example, during the stretch through Idaho I listen to The Triggerlock's as there is a turn off called Idahome Rd. Now are there certain other situations that call for certain music? Does Bob Marley really sound better on Saturday mornings than any other day? Should it be a rule to listen to Wilco anytime you take drive through the desert? Do you always listen to the band your going to see? Travis, are you still a Misfit?

Don’t Burst My Bubble

As I find myself bored with……myself at times, I resort to making fun of others. As I know I’m not perfect, nor do I strive to be, I simply enter the bubble. The bubble was started by Vis and Jared Stanley a number of years ago. It allows you to judge, make fun of and degrade others around you. Now although you may have the same faults as the ones you are degrading, it doesn’t matter because you are in the bubble. That is why Utah County is known as the bubble (you can actually burst that one if you wish). So go out there and climb in the bubble, you'll feel better I promise.